


Blind date

by oldgodbaby



Series: Scalpel AU [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2379410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldgodbaby/pseuds/oldgodbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Locus may or may not have accidentally killed someone and Felix thinks he's been set up on a date. Hilarity ensues. (Modern AU serial killer series)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blind date

Clear nights weren’t the best nights for a murder, but sometimes these kinds of situations just snuck up on you, and the next thing you know you’ve cracked someone’s head open with a miniature statute of Ares they had had displayed on their mantelpiece. The cruel joke behind his weapon of choice had hit Locus much later, as he was driving down a poorly lit highway with his victim bouncing, bloodied and lifeless in the boot of the car. He wasn’t even sure where he was going. He didn’t have a shovel on him, and there were no rivers nearby. Nonetheless, he parked arbitrarily in a spot where the fence dividing the highway from the forest had been extensively vandalized. 

Locus had wrapped his victim in their living room carpet along with the statuette, knowing full well it would be ridiculously heavy to carry. It couldn’t be said that he hadn’t tried to plan the clean-up. He just lacked the necessary experience to make the plan an efficient one.

He turned his flashlight on and set it between his teeth as he struggled with the corpse before managing to sling it over his shoulder then wander into the thickest, darkest part of the forest. He stopped when he heard a soft, rhythmic sound floating towards him. A digging sound. Who could possibly be digging in the middle of the night in a nondescript part of dense forest?

The sound stopped abruptly. Locus placed the body down and took a few steps towards the space he assumed the digging had been happening in.

“I don’t remember putting out a lonely-hearts ad. Has someone set me up on a blind date? Was it Grey? This does feel like the kind of thing she’d do.”

Locus turned around as quickly as his body would allow. He wasn’t sure whether he was preparing to fight or flee because he felt rooted in place. The man in front of him was leaning casually against a tree, hands behind his head. A bright orange bandana concealed most of his face but the edges of his eyes crinkled in amusement.

“Oh, you’ve still got your flashlight in your mouth. That’s precious.”

The mysterious man walked up to Locus, holding his hands out in front of him to gain his trust. Much later, it would occur to Locus that the man had treated him like a frightened deer.

“Name’s Felix,” the man said, grabbing the flashlight out of Locus’s mouth.

“Locus,” he replied, trying his best to steel his nerves.

He had lost track of what was happening.

“So, you come here often?”

Locus narrowed his eyes.

“Are you serious?”

Felix snorted.

“Is this your first time? Wait, lemme guess,” he glanced over at the corpse wrapped in the carpet, “crime of passion?”

“What are you, a serial killer?”

With a click of his tongue, Felix walked past Locus and towards the body.

“I like the term contractor better,” he unravelled the carpet, “it sounds slightly less depraved. More professional. This is pretty good for your first time. It’s neat and clean. But keeping the murder weapon where the body is is never a good idea. That’s uh, lesson number one,” Felix turned back towards Locus and winked at him.

“I didn’t come here to learn how to kill people.”

“And I didn’t come here to get set up on a date; funny how things work out that way.”

“I just want to—”

“You just want to dispose of this body, right. I can help. If you give me your number,” Felix said, handing Locus his flashlight back.

“What?”

“A few hours ago you killed a person then wrapped their body in a carpet, then drove them out into a forest to dispose of their corpse. Is my proposition really the most shocking thing that’s happened to you all day?”

It was, but Locus wasn’t about to start arguing with a madman with a shovel in a darkened forest. So he gave him his number instead.


End file.
